A Brief Love Language Primer

Love language is a term used to convey the idea that we communicate our love, and receive love messages from others, in particular ways. Whereas one person may show love by words of affection, another may show it by acts of service. It’s a good idea to know not only our own primary love language, but that of our partner as well. It helps when both parties in a relationship speak the same language, or at least can speak the language of the other. The diagram below depicts each major love language in terms of behavior.

 

love language

This concept of love languages is based on the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Wikipedia explains it as such: “to discover another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands. An example would be if a husband’s love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for his wife and she doesn’t perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties, because the love language she comprehends is words of affirmation (verbal affirmation that he loves her). She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn for him, he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love”


 

Healing a Broken Heart

Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist specializing in emotional health. He has written several books on the subject as well as some around the topic of healing a broken heart. In this short video, Dr. Winch outlines the salient points in healing a broken heart, an experience that just about everybody experiences at some time in their lives.


 

The 7 Cardinal Sins of Thinking

The Johari Window

Johari Window

The Johari Window is a graphic representation reminding us that how we perceive ourselves is not necessarily the same as how we are perceived by others. Likewise, how we perceive others may not be how they perceive themselves. Moreover, the Johari Window suggests there are regions of ourselves that not only others don’t know about, but that we ourselves don’t know about either. Since its original debut in 1955, the Johari Window has been used as a teaching aid to help improve interpersonal communication, team building, conflict resolution and self awareness.

The Johari Window is now used in most all communication skills training as a way of pointing out the reality of differing perceptions, differing points of view. Who are you? Well, that depends a bit on who you ask! But, perhaps the most intriguing component of the Johari Window is this recognition that there is a part of us that others don’t know, and that we ourselves do not know either. Spiritual growth is, at least in part, exploring and coming to know this undiscovered, unknown, self.


The Public Self

The Public Self is the part of ourselves that we are happy to share with others and discuss openly. Thus you and I both see and can talk openly about this ‘me’ and gain a common view of who I am in this element.

the Private Self

There are often parts of our selves that are too private to share with others. We hide these away and refuse to discuss them with other people or even expose them in any way.

Private elements may be embarrassing or shameful in some way. They may also be fearful or seek to avoid being discussed for reasons of vulnerability.

Between the public and private selves, there are partly private, partly public aspects of our selves that we are prepared to share only with trusted others.

The Blind Self

We often assume that the public and private selves are all that we are. However, the views that others have of us may be different from those we have of ourselves. For example a person who considers themself as intelligent may be viewed as an arrogant and socially ignorant by others.

Our blind selves may remain blind because others will not discuss this part of us for a range of reasons. Perhaps they realize that we would be unable to accept what they see. Perhaps they have tried to discuss this and we have been so blind that we assume their views are invalid. They may also withhold this information as it gives them power over us.

The Undiscovered Self

Finally, the fourth self is one which neither us or nor other people see. This undiscovered self may include both good and bad things that may remain forever undiscovered or may one day be discovered, entering the private, blind or maybe even public selves.


 

The Importance of Human Connection

Brene Brown’s 20-minute TedTalk in June of 2010 is an excellent presentation on the importance of human connection and the power of vulnerability, based on research and her inspiring tales of stories gathered from experience, analysis and insight.